Guidelines for appearing in the opening credits of 'Saturday Night Live'

Dear new Cast Member/Featured Player,

Congratulations for making the cast of "Saturday Night Live"! As you know, our Opening Credits are just as much a part of our storied tradition as Weekend Update and that "experimental" sketch with 10 minutes to go, so we strongly advise that you incorporate one or more of the following elements for our world-famous introduction:

1. Pose with a drink or food.
2. Laugh at an imaginary joke.
3. Look surprised.
4. Look confused.
5. Walk in the street.
6. Nod or shake your head.
7. Talk to someone off-camera.
8. Appear in -- or next to -- a limo, cab, subway or car.
9. Surround yourself with women.
10. Be Don Pardo.

Please note that if you are a Featured Player, we reserve the right to use your crappy headshot to represent you in the Opening Credits. We don't want to waste precious film on a performer we'll drop in a year or two.

Oh, and please be funny on the actual show.

Sincerely,
The Opening Credits People

cc: LM