Facebook Status Updates: Part I

And now some of my best Facebook Status Updates from the last month, in reverse-chronological order:

- Chris is a 100-meter butterfly that has nothing to do with swimming.

- Chris is torn; China's gymnasts were no older than 16 COMBINED, but they still won the Gold. Technically, isn't that more impressive?

- Chris is dressed to maim.

- Chris thinks gold-medalist Natalie Coughlin is cute but looks better with wet hair.

- Chris is Michael Phelps except for all that swimming.

- Chris just saw one of his old high school yearbook quotes was from "Night Court": "It's so hard to say au revoir, so let's just say au gratin."

- Chris has little to no voice left from last night's Police concert, which at one point also featured actual police on stage playing along to "Message In A Bottle."

- Chris is Synchronicity I ... and II.

- Chris is not your name/He knows what you're up to just the same/He will listen hard to your intuition/He will see it come to its fruition.

- Chris caved and uploaded the "legit" Scrabble application. Ugh.

- Chris fears hygiene and plot issues when it comes to traveling pants.

- Chris shouldn't be surprised that ignorant people hate teachers, but he's disappointed nonetheless.

- Chris has the wussiest injury in the history of everything: A sore left hand from hitting it too hard with a tambourine at post-wedding karaoke.

- Chris now knows that at least 23 of you have iPhones because you've installed the Facebook application to them. And, yes, he's jealous.

- Chris will never not find Steve Carell in "Anchorman" hilarious.

- Chris thinks the words "Spuyten Duyvil" shouldn't exist, let alone be flaunted on a Metro-North sign.

- Chris reminds you that the National League sucks.

Vermont hates Michael Phelps

According to today's main ESPN.com SportsNation poll, Vermont is the only state whose majority of Internet voters thinks American swimmer Michael Phelps won't win eight gold medals in the Beijing Olympics:
Even the rest of the WORLD -- except for maybe, well, France -- agrees there's no stopping Phelp Phever. But don't expect Ben & Jerry's to start shipping out mass quantities of Phelpraline Delight anytime soon.

It's probably because Vermonters are voting with their minds instead of their hearts, but part of me wishes that it's because they're all walking around with Mark Spitz mustaches that scream Ron Burgundy.

And in case you're wondering, Spitz is from California, making this voting trend even more baffling.