MC Masterpiece

My brother, Lou, sent me this vintage video clip that stars Saturday morning cartoon and live-action incarnations of MC Hammer. Warning: Immediate Sound. Headphones strongly recommended if you're watching this at work.

As Lou pointed out, "The lyrics just roll off the tongue."

I remember Lou and I and my friend John making fun of the ridiculous lyrics when this show came out in 1991 (and ended, to no one's surprise, a year later). The intro was so inane, John just used to freestyle with mundane phrases like, "He comes from Cleveland! He really likes children! (uhhh... ummm...) He really likes children!" Editor's note: Hammer actually was born and raised in Oakland, not Cleveland, but John used to say "Cleveland" arbitrarily.

Upon watching the intro for the first time in 13 years, I remembered just how strained these lyrics are. Hammer seems to lose steam halfway through before the narrative FINALLY kicks into the chorus:

"They met a guy named Stanley... and then he did something... *yawn*... and did somethin' else and he BECAME HAMMERMAN! HAMMERMAN! HAMMER!"

My sister, Tara, said: "No one can squeeze the phrase 'magical shoes' into a one-count better than Sir Hammer. And if you rap about a guy named Stanley, you'd better have a good dose of irony in there. I'm pretty sure he doesn't."

At least Eminem had the sense to shorten the name to "Stan."

Please, Hammer, keep hurtin' 'em. With hilarity.*

*This line should be read by Michael Ian Black sitting in front of an I Love the 90's backdrop.