Things to consider:
1. This single Peep is still soft and sealed in its original cellophane packaging.
2. I probably received it in late March or early April.
3. I'm hungry.
SHOULD! I! EAT! THIS?!
So a few minutes after my alarm goes off this morning, I hear a song that sounds like a cross between Queens of the Stone Age, the Darkness and Smashing Pumpkins.
Then I realize: Wow, not only is that Smashing Pumpkins' new song "Tarantula," but also it's so good that I don't have to pretend to like the band just because so many of my high school friends liked them at the time. (OK, so sometimes I was insecure in high school. Like you weren't?)
I actually never outright disliked Smashing Pumpkins; they have a few really good songs, especially "Zero," "Tonight, Tonight" and "1979." I just didn't think in 1994 that they were as great as everyone said they were. But even I appreciated Billy Corgan's first interaction with Homer Simpson, as the rocker's introduction left Homer "Smiling Politely."
Weirder still, earlier this morning, I randomly was thinking about forgotten Sesame Street character Grungetta, whose name was derived from the word Grunge. Did my subconscious will the Pumpkins onto my radio? Can I also summon hot girls my way if I just think about them?
(Thinking. Really, really thinking.)
I have an idea for a new product! Let's name it after three completely different colors and annoy the crap out of Chris!
Is it red? Is it blackberry? Or is it pearl?
Oh, it's all three, you say? Not maddening at all!
At least have the decency to come up with a brand name that has no potential for contradiction based on the actual color of the product.
I don't care if this is old news by now. I'm posting it anyway:
You're welcome.
I've been so swamped the last few days, I just realized that BestWeekEver.tv on Friday linked to my Remote Access live-blog of Bob Barker's final episode hosting "The Price is Right."
Hooray! I heart BWE.
This morning on the phone, a kind woman I don't believe I know personally wished me a happy Father's Day, which was a nice -- but somewhat misguided -- gesture.
Unless she was trying to tell me something she knew that I didn't.
Michael Shilling offers excellent, informed commentary on why the Police are one of the most underrated bands in history.
When seen on a microwave, 1:56 could be viewed as either the time of day or the amount of time remaining on savory Hot Pockets.
Once I realized the bulb was off and neither the turntable nor clock was moving, I realized it was indeed the time.
Skipping lunch probably influenced my judgment.
O-Block: The football star. Pros: Although not terribly complex, he's often a welcome sight. If unleashed at the right time, he can take out two lingering lines of stragglers loitering at your door. Cons: Stubborn; impossible to change. Makes a scene when there's not a big enough seat for him. Can be a headache if too many of his teammates show up when the party's unstable.
I-Block: The gorgeous cheerleader. Pros: The most sought-after invitee inspires everyone to clear a path for her arrival. Can bring as many cheerleading friends as she wants without a single complaint from you. Four rows of guys want nothing more than to leave with her, and she might just oblige. Cons: Plays hard-to-get; doesn't appear at your parties nearly enough. God help you if she's drunk and stumbles into an awkward crowd in the middle of everyone; she'll cause such a fuss, she'll distract you from the rest of the party.
T-Block: The life of the party. Pros: Fits in with every crowd, and rarely makes things worse. Selfless wingman, happy to try to clear your path for a date with the cheerleader. Willing to do any small chore for the rest of the party. "Clean up that puke in that hard-to-reach corner under the bed? No problem!" Cons: Wants to be introduced to everyone, so you're often spinning him around until he fits perfectly with the rest of the crowd. Can't eliminate the big problems all at once.
L-Block: The lovebird. Pros: Reliable and faithful. Fits perfectly with his/her companion. Always willing to give a hug to the awkward freshman girl (see below) when her friends aren't around. On rare occasions, is up for a threesome. Cons: Clashes with annoying freshman guys (see below). Not nearly as bold as the cheerleaders or football players; makes you wish something more exciting would happen to you and your party.
J-Block: The recently single sophomore. Pros: Quick to hook up with one another. Bonds with the annoying freshman guy in a way that makes him less of a burden to you. Also totally game for a rare threesome. Cons: Can't truly connect with the lovebirds, despite similar appearances. Encounters with awkward freshman girls end badly.
S-Block: The awkward freshman girl. Pros: Although the same age as the annoying freshman guy, she seems easier to deal with and more mature somehow. Cons: If not cooperating, can be just as intolerable as the annoying freshman guy. Likes pretentious foreign films without subtitles.
Z-Block: The annoying freshman guy. Pros: Even if you're not the most popular host, he's almost guaranteed to show up, whether or not you're expecting him. Cons: Only really connects with his peers, and even that connection is awkward for everyone. Too many of his friends show up when the party's already crowded. No matter how many times you tries to clear him and his friends out, their pile-up pretty much guarantees that the party's over.
UPDATE: GorillaMask'd!
Two years ago today, I had a dream. I don't remember what it was about, but it probably involved a cliff, some clowns, a pretty girl and Herve Villechaize.
Anyway, after I woke up that morning, I decided to launch this blog and write this post. Little did I know that it would lead to bigger and better things, particularly in its second year.
Between the first VB anniversary and November 2006, things were pretty typical in my blogosphere. In those six months, I wrote some things and some of them were allegedly amusing.
Then on Nov. 15, I decided to make a commitment to this wacky thing and buy the domain name www.varsitybasketweaving.com. Because, y'know, so many people were spilling blood to try to get it.
Exactly one week later, I analyzed an old music video that appeared on PBS' "Reading Rainbow." VB attracted an unprecedented number of visitors -- 6,000-plus in a day, 12,000-plus in nine days -- after high-profile Web sites GorillaMask and Cracked linked to the post.
Less than a week after that, because of Varsity Basketweaving, I was invited to write the first of many posts for Suburbarazzi, my newspaper's blog about celebrities with a connection to New York's Lower Hudson Valley. Within weeks, Suburbarazzi enabled me to interview one of the first stand-up comedians I ever liked (Kevin Meaney).
Two days after singer/songwriter John Mayer returned to the Comedy Cellar Jan. 5 to perform stand-up, I gave a 10-point synopsis of his unannounced show and published an exclusive photo on Varsity Basketweaving. Comedy Central, Gawker, Gothamist, Brooklyn Vegan, The Apiary and Stereogum all linked to the item, and there was much rejoicing.
The next week, I began writing for The Journal News' TV blog, Remote Access, primarily to cover "American Idol." One week after my first Remote Access post, I became a WVOX-Radio guest on a weekly basis to discuss entertainment on Phil Reisman's "High Noon" broadcast. (Thanks again, Phil!)
Because of all three of these blogs, I also attended NBC's first annual Blogger Summit in New York City.
The last week of February was all about sprucing up VB. Within a one-week span, Varsity Basketweaving joined the BlogBurst network, had a new logo, incorporated Google Ads (which don't look half-bad!), installed RSS feeds of Suburbarazzi and Remote Access, and showcased perhaps my favorite widget: the lovely Label Cloud upgrade that's simultaneously color-coded and size-dependent to indicate blog topic frequency.
In March, the two Journal News entertainment blogs allowed me to conduct exclusive interviews with fashion icon Isaac Mizrahi and Fox 5 anchorman Ernie Anastos. And on March 5, I launched my Headline Punchline blog that features "actual headlines, marginal punchlines." It's been on hiatus since April 8, but I hope to get back to it soon.
This month, I began appearing regularly on RNN-TV as an on-air correspondent for Suburbarazzi, which might never have happened if I hadn't first made my mark with Varsity Basketweaving.
In truth, these last couple of months have featured fewer Varsity Basketweaving posts than the previous 10. That's due to a few factors, including a few changes in my work schedule and beat, as well as more frequent postings to both Journal News blogs -- especially as "American Idol" wrapped up. But I hope to pick up the pace and continue to post interesting content on here for years to come.
Thanks for reading and commenting these last 24 months! Here's to more 'Weaving!
I'm a game show connoisseur, but even I've never seen this clip from "The Price is Right." Bob Barker is at his absolute finest here:
We'll miss you, Bob-boo.
Charles Nelson Reilly died yesterday. I'm sure his last will and testament is full of zig-zag lines and flourishes.
The good news is he can be reunited at that big "Match Game" in the sky with Gene Rayburn and Richard Dawson.
Oh, wait. Richard Dawson's still alive.
Exhibit A, featuring Doug E. Fresh on last night's "American Idol" finale:
Marginally more commentary here.
I was going to blog about how obnoxious the girl in this commercial is, but someone already created the video equivalent of what I wanted to say.
I give you a video I like to call "TISNNF! (This is so not NOT fair!)":
Yes, the black suit brings out the awful qualities in Spider-Man on the silver screen (and in the screenwriting, evidently), but the worst impact it has is on my chances of winning free food from Burger King this weekend.
BK has a promotion involving scratch-off tickets, forcing customers to choose either the web next to the red Spider-Man mask or the black Spider-Man mask. I've always had a problem with this premise, because winners should win based on merely buying the food (or in wussier fashion, claiming a free game ticket by pulling that boring no-purchase-necessary crap) and not because they happened to beat the 50/50 odds.
Understanding that, theoretically, I should beat those odds by picking one color across the board on the three tickets that came with my King-sized meal, I scratched off the black Spider-Man web all three times. I failed to win the Croissan'Wich, Whopper and fries that were concealed behind the three red Spider-Man webs.
I looked worse than Peter Parker blubbering when Mary Jane Watson dumped him in "Spidey 3."
Still, maybe I've got this all wrong. Perhaps the black Spider-Man is really the good one, serving as dietitian and saving me from perilous heart attacks down the road.
