Lamentin' in da club

I'll admit it. Once every Olympiad I'll take a liking to a country music song. And last year, I found myself digging every slide guitar bend and twangy vocal of Rascal Flatts' ballad "What Hurts The Most."

If you don't know the song the song, skip the first 47 seconds of the "dramatic" opening of the music video to acquaint yourself with it. The lament expressed in the chorus lyrics is as follows:

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

Now, fast-forward to my flipping through satellite radio channels on yesterday's commute home. I heard a woman singing a cover of the same song. Other than a half-step key-change, it sounded nearly identical at the beginning. Then, halfway through the first verse, something very odd happened.

NNtssNNtssNNtssNNtss!

Yes, Cascada made the cathartic, tear-jerker "What Hurts the Most" into a dance track. It's such a strange convergence, taking a sappy ballad and throwing a thumping bass, some hair gel and glow sticks into the mix.

I figure it's just proof that no one listens to (or cares about) lyrics anymore, but let's assume for a moment that hard-core clubbers do care about them. There's just something funny about the image of gyrating tank-toppers sobbing uncontrollably while grinding against a total stranger.

It all screamed "Happy Valentine's Day!" to me.

All hail the greatest dog breed on the planet, as verified by the Westminster Dog Show

Hi there!

Delivering good luck with a swift kick to the head

While covering a Lunar New Year event celebrating Chinese heritage, I decided I want learn to do the traditional lion dance, just so I can dropkick a head of lettuce into a screaming crowd.

It's said the lettuce brings good luck. I just want to bring the pain.

Gong xi fa cai!

Why I like to microwave most foods for 1-minute, 47-seconds if instructions don't dictate otherwise

1. 30 seconds aren't enough for any purpose other than melting shredded cheese on chips.

2. It's easier to move down the left side of the number panel (1-4-7) en route to the start button than it is to fumble my way between the 2 and the 0 buttons.

3. There's no third reason.

Philip Baker Hall, I salute you

I was all set to go to bed at 11:45 last night when I caught the start of "The Insider," the 1999 masterpiece that earned seven Oscar noms and starred possibly my two favorite actors, Al Pacino and Russell Crowe. Needless to say, I didn't get to bed until 2:30.

It's based on a true story about a "60 Minutes" producer Lowell Bergman (Pacino) who fights to keep his word to Jeffrey Wigand (Crowe), an insider whose information about Big Tobacco threatens their jobs, the cigarette industry, and the lives of Wigand's family. I know I'm biased as a reporter, but it's an inspiration to journalists and other truth-seekers.

Pacino refrains from getting too shouty, as he's done too often since his Oscar-winning role in "Scent of a Woman." And if you want to celebrate Crowe's overblown Academy Award win for "Gladiator," fine, but I find him far more captivating in this role as a flawed, middle-aged, overweight scientist-turned-teacher.

The film's got a ton of cameos, including Gina Gershon, Stephen Tobolowsky and the impressive Christopher Plummer, who's a dead ringer for Mike Wallace in both look and air. Also holding his own is Philip Baker Hall (next to Pacino in this picture), with a somewhat unflattering portrayal of "60 Minutes" creator and shot-caller Don Hewitt.

Despite his dramatic turn in "The Insider," my favorite Hall role is from "Seinfeld," for which he played a New York Public Library detective by the name of Bookman. Without hyperbole, it's my favorite monologue in the show's history. It's so funny that it seems even Seinfeld laughs more than he should as it unfolds:

In reading the YouTube comments below the video, I got a kick out of knowing that someone uses Bookman's diatribe as an audition monologue. What a fantastic idea.

The most literal music video ever?

I love Paolo Nutini's song "New Shoes" -- so much so that it's my next solo for Unsung Heroes -- but I don't think I've seen a more literal representation of a song's lyrics in a music video:

Granted, this is the UK version of the video. The American version is slicker and more sophisticated. That said, I'm not sure which I like better.

For a guy who spent 2,843 words puffing up the Patriots, Bill Simmons doesn't seem to want to hear much about the Giants' Super Bowl win

Amazingly, my favorite columnist -- ESPN writer Bill "Sports Guy" Simmons -- hates almost every team I like (Yankees, Giants, Boston College) and loves most teams I hate (Red Sox et al).

So keep that in mind while I explain why I'm peeved at something that might not even be his decision.

Last week, Simmons spent 2,843 words on a column that not only talked about the Patriots' quest for perfection but also predicted a 42-17 New England victory over the two-touchdown underdog Giants. Today was the all-too-sweet and all-too-short follow-up column in which Simmons had to eat, ahem, "crow" due to New York's stunning 17-14 victory, possibly the greatest upset in sport since the Miracle on Ice in 1980.

Interestingly, while most ESPN writers subject themselves to message board comments from the public, the ability to comment on these Simmons columns is disabled -- or at the very least, not in its usual placement next to the "e-mail (friends)" and "print" links at the top of the article. His colleague, poor Gene Wojciechowski, made the mistake of writing a piece listing 15 reasons the Patriots would win. And because his column allows for comments at the top of the page, his comments section is overflowing with fun words from exuberant Giants fans.

I'm not sure if this next fact helps or hurts Simmons' case, his other recent columns don't allow readers to post comments either. Perhaps this isn't Simmons' decision, but I have to wonder if that link would have suddenly appeared if the Pats were coronated in obnoxious fashion.

So, while I can't post my comments on ESPN's page, allow me to do so here while I enjoy the greatest upset in NFL history. Consider it redemption for the Boston's ridiculous and unprecedented American League Championship Series comeback against the Yankees in 2004.

I won't even take cheap shots at Simmons himself. He's a fantastic columnist. But I will just state three facts:

Giants 17, Patriots 14.
The New York Giants are Super Bowl Champs.
The Patriots are not.

Ah, gotta love freedom of speech.

Screw 'The Gates'

This is true art, courtesy of the brilliant Charlie Todd and the agents of Improv Everywhere:

Pharrell murders 'eligible bachelor'

Figuratively, of course. Don't sue.

With looped sounds of spray-paint cans in use and clucking tongues, Pharrell Williams' minimalist production for Snoop Dogg's "Drop It Like It's Hot" is innovative but always overshadowed by his inability to say the phrase "eligible bachelor." Instead, he opts for "el-jilb-ble bachelor."

Proof is at the 50-second mark of this video. (Note: Other lyrics, which are pronounced all too clearly, are not suitable for work.)



I picture Pharrell realizing the mistake and wanting to record another take, but Snoop cutting the studio session short so he could pick up where he left off with his knitting and Shakespeare anthology.

Why does this articulation -- and none of the other words that are moided in pop music -- crack me up four years after the song was released? Perhaps it's because it takes the time in between summer Olympiads for me to process benign rap lyrics.

(Photo: UPI)

Actors are like drummers

They only stick out if they're really good or really bad.

I was reminded of this while flipping through the channels the other day. I stumbled upon a young man in fatigues being questioned by the lead characters on "Bones." The actor trudged through what should have been a snarling monologue with a humming monotone. Concluding with something to the effect of "Now if you'll excuse me," he delivered it with all the passion of an afternoon nap.

Returning to my original simile, I suppose it could be applied to any performance artist... or profession... or anything. Mediocrity is always ignored. So you probably won't remember this post.

By the same logic, I only eat pizza and drink beer. (Hmm. Maybe I need a better example.)

The top headline on CNN's Web site right now reads "Black women voters face tough choices" and features photos of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Saying nothing of my feelings about either candidate, I do think it's a bit insulting to naturally assume black women are either voting for Obama because of race or Clinton because of gender. Although minorities and women traditionally favor Democrats, the assumption is still somewhat stereotypical.

It's not like I'll be voting for someone just because he's an Irish-Italian man.

Unless it's me. Then I'd vote for myself.

Photo: Getty Images.

Next time I go into Dunkin Donuts, I'll be sure to wear my monocle

Because there's no way I can continue to order a "mocha latte" without sounding like a pretentious tool. So I might as well look the part.

Wired and Marshalled

Loved the premiere episode of the final season of "The Wire." Particularly impressive, considering how I'd strangely never watched a previous season, despite every single person who's ever seen more than one show telling me I'm crazy.

As a reporter, I enjoy hearing authentic newsroom terminology in a TV series ("below the fold," "contrib," "reac" and "art," among others). I also love how the plots of The Law, The Street, The Hall, The Port, The School and The Newsroom intersect with one another. And watching a photocopier play the role of a polygraph machine has been my favorite TV moment in a very young 2008, but it should still be in my Top 10 by year's end. I'm curious to see how everything breaks down, in more ways than one, as the season unfolds.

Still miss "Deadwood," though. (Harumph.) I caught the always-brilliant Ian McShane in the last hour of "We Are Marshall" on one of those HBO channels and it just made me sad.

Well, that and the depressing nature of the film. That was not exactly cheery, either. Good flick, though. Matthew McConaughey is solid, David Strathairn is once again fantastic (possibly Hollywood's most underrated actor), and watching Kate Mara do anything tends to ease my pain.

Christine looks the same upside-down

Confused? I'm referring to this logo I finished today for anyone named Christine. It reads the same way upside down as it does right-side up:
You're welcome, Ms. Ebersole.

In searching my computer for a completely different set of graphics I created a few years ago, I rediscovered my set of name logos that look the same upside-down as they do right-side up. In the process, I found one draft of the name "Christine" that was left unfinished. So in a fit of creatitivity, I finished that one just after midnight. Creative spurts are unpredictable.

Here's the logo I had completed of my last name, which one ex-girlfriend once told me would be great for my future chain of restaurants:
I have enough problems with a microwave, so forget the restaurant idea. But I am proud of the logo, I must say.

The 10 songs I played most on iTunes/iPod in 2007

I make no claim that these are the best 10 songs of the year. They are merely the ones I played most frequently on my iPod and on iTunes since the start of last year.

Since the bottom four songs have the same play count, the most recently played song gets the highest rating and the least recently played song is ranked lowest. Arbitrary rules rule!

Remember: I'm sharing my music, thus baring my soul, to the Internets. Be kind with your replies.


10. "Hands Held High" by Linkin Park (35 plays) -- With Chester Bennington taking a seat for most, if not all, of this track, Mike Shinoda's empassioned anti-war anthem unfolds over military drums and a church organ. "Amen," indeed.


9. "Stronger" by Kanye West (35 plays) -- I'm kind of surprised that this and not "Can't Tell Me Nothing" is the Kanye track that cracked my Top 10, but it's the more accessible of the two. Plus, I'll never look at a Klondike bar the same way again.


8. "What Goes Around...Comes Around" by Justin Timberlake (35 plays) -- At first I perceived this song as a mere sequel to "Cry Me A River." But it might just be the "Godfather: Part II" to "River." Casting a scorching Scarlett Jo in the video doesn't hurt the case, either.


7. "Lithium" by Evanescence (35 plays) -- "The Open Door" is somewhat of a disappointing sophomore album, but emotionally charged tracks like "Lithium" and the surprisingly soulful "Good Enough" are enough reason to pick it up. Or download it. Or whatever.


6. "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 (36 plays) -- I was as tired of "She Will Be Loved" as everyone else in America, but it's hard to resist this upbeat break-up song, well-placed expletives included.


5. "Say It Right" by Nelly Furtado (38 plays) -- No bridge, a bare-bones structure and a simple, repetitive melody. Few producers outside of Timbaland could have the ingenuity to pull this one off so brilliantly.


4. "You Don't Know How It Feels" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (39 plays) -- Remember, this list isn't confined to songs released recently. This lethargic, harmonica-infused track came out in 1994, but resonated with me in '07. I'm generally a happy person, but there's something about the way Petty preaches "You don't know how it feels/To be meeeee" that punches me in the gut.


3. "Give It To Me" by Timbaland f. Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake (45 plays) -- In what's basically a glossy, glorified dis record, Nelly, Tim and JT talk about their supremacy on the charts. A bold move considering the potential for it to bomb, but a rousing success because they walked the talk.


2. "Proximity" by Alex Nackman (47 plays) -- The elder son of one of my coworkers, Nackman laments about long-distance relationships in this track from his "Sunrise Falls" album. Featured in the background of both "The Hills" and "The Real World," its narrative style is enhanced by lush harmonies and a simple yet profound piano riff. And then there's the bridge, which still gives me chills.


1. "LoveStoned/I Think She Knows Interlude" by Justin Timberlake (48 plays) -- Long before this was released as a single, this was my favorite track off Timberlake's "FutureSex LoveSounds" album. I'd often catch myself singing the bass line and wondering what kind of drink comes in a yellow bottle. Then Timbaland had to go and make a great song better by changing its shape entirely with the "I Think She Knows Interlude." Wow.

Apparently, Timbaland and Justin Timberlake have more of an influence on my life than I realized. Is this a good thing? Discuss.