My least favorite cartoon -- ever.

No, it's not Veggie Tales. Or even Denver, the Last Dinosaur.

It's this freakin' cartoon public service announcement from the '80s that warns kids not to "drown" their otherwise inedible greens in the flavorful crime that is dressing. Warning: Immediate Sound.

Growing up, I can't tell you how much I hated this commercial because of its ridiculous premise. Instead of encouraging impressionable young children like me to eat salad -- even if it means coating it in a gallon of flavor goodness -- these suits have the nerve to imply, "No, no, don't actually enjoy your vegetables. Be sure to keep them as bland as possible so you'll avoid them like the plague at dinnertime every night." This is particularly heartbreaking for fast-food devouring kids who have no digestive problems until their late teens, when it's too late to reach them to say, "Hey, how about salad? Remember that? Yeah, I thought not."

I, a cheeseburger and hoagie connoisseur, was in A&P today, talking to myself aloud like a derelict. "You will have a salad today. Have it. HAVE IT." I changed my mind three times before picking up the little plastic tray and wielding the tongs to craft a custom-made, overpriced salad of three kinds of lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers and black olives that was actually delicious.

That is, after I smothered it in Creamy Italian. Take that, Health Board Commies!