Anoop Dogg's got chops

Gotta love Anoop Desai, who was critiqued for his "American Idol" audition attire, but certainly not for his voice, as evidenced by his college a cappella group's take on Justin Timberlake's "My Love":

Love this guy already.

5 honors Hollywood reveres more than a People's Choice Award

Dry-clean the vomit off your tux and brush the coke off your ballgown, thespians! It's awards season! No better time to hit up your booty call du jour, invite him/her out to the red carpet for some mind-numbing questions from the peanut gallery and have a seat at a classy hugfest where all the stars shine so brightly -- mostly due to the way flood lights reflect off Botoxed foreheads.

So what's the reason for everyone getting all gussied up tonight? The Oscars? The Emmys? The Golden Globes, a.k.a. the Drunk OscEmmys? Nope, Hollywood's brightest stars -- or at least those who haven't already started pre-gaming at Jack Nicholson's pad for the Golden Globes -- will be breaking out the finewear this evening in their neverending quest to land the coveted People's Choice Award.


Unlike Kate Winslet (pictured above, sorta), who was only nominated for one PCA in 2005, Meryl Streep's got a half-dozen of these Visine Customer Service Awards. Deep down, you know Streep regifted her Oscars to Aunt Gertie and showcases her six PeChArds on the mantel of her golden fireplace, where James Lipton pays a tithe to worship weekly.

OK, let's face it. There's a reason these glorified paperweights are shaped like a giant tear. Emmanuel Lewis won one. Quite possibly last year.

For this reason alone, I present five honors Hollywood reveres more than a People's Choice Award:

5. Prom King
Although I dare you to name your high school Prom King, he probably was charismatic and got tons of action. Compare that to winning a People's Choice Award, which might be the Hollywood aphrodisiac equivalent of grafting two extra noses to your face.

4. The National Hockey League's Lady Byng Memorial Trophy
Despite the fact that Wayne Gretzky repeatedly won this award, this is essentially the league's way of letting you know you're a wuss. You're basically being celebrated for your ability to absorb punches better than you can throw them -- a huge asset in Hollywood.

3. FDA inspection certificate
Merely a thank-you for not poisoning the masses. Good thing Michael Bay hasn't opened a restaurant yet.

2. Cable ACE award
Unlike the PCA, the ACE can be used as a trowel immediately after the ceremony. Put it right next to your Garden Weasel! Makes a great gift.

1. Validated parking slip
Your soul might be crying for validation after acting on "Two and a Half Men," but at least your Beamer won't be ticketed.

AD WIZARDS: 'Wire' actors resort to consulting with Diddy, singing and dancing about gambling

I got into "The Wire" very late in its run. I caught the final season, raved about it, then, in an inspired fit, NetFlix'd the first four seasons and smoked through 'em like Omar and a pack of Newports.

But I noticed a disturbing trend in the months that followed. Instead of landing the starring roles they deserve in major motion pictures, some of the actors on what might be the greatest series in TV history have instead been hawking various goods and services. And while I certainly don't hold it against them, it's a bummer to say the least.

Three examples immediately come to mind.

Lance Reddick (Deputy Commissioner Cedric Daniels) for Cadillac
Tough-as-nails Daniels had to deal with a maniacal McNulty in Season 5 while trying to keep his sordid past out of the papers:


But he was evidently still cheery enough to channel his inner Santa:


Jim True-Frost (Roland 'Prez' Pryzbylewski) For Burger King
Haunted by the way his career ended with the police department, Prezbo tried to find redemption as a teacher. When one of his former students dropped out of school and sought help, Prez reluctantly offered his assistance. The result was a painful reality, delivered with nuance and heart by Frost.


Less nuanced was his question about what he should tell the masses about Burger King. Although video evidence of his appearance is tough to come by (he admits to doing the commercial here), Diddy's reply is:


David Costabile (Managing Editor Thomas Klebanow) for Mohegan Sun
Costabile's hard-nosed character was in denial about overwhelming evidence that his star reporter was fabricating the news. (Language NSFW)


So I suppose he had no choice but to get away and blow off some steam -- and his kids' college savings -- at the Sun. While singing and dancing, of course.


At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if "Wire" creator David Simon were sitting in a closet, offering advice to old ladies and preparing to dance all night long.

Summing up 2008 in one word

Thanks, Wedding Bobby:

Hooray for cute redheads selling stuff

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be a blonde or brunette, but here's a shout-out to two eye-catching redheads doing their part in pitching goods to consumers.

Exhibit A:
Product: Weatherproof garments.
Name of redhead: Unknown.
Most prominent appearance: Times Square billboard.
Attire: Weatherproof jacket. Heels. Possibly nothing else.
Attitude: Overly pleased by jacket.
Result: I am equally pleased.
Bonus points: The billboard changes on a regular basis -- I'm guessing every few months or so -- giving pedestrians a bit of a fashion show from said redhead.
Potential downfall: If, like fellow redhead Shirley Manson, she's only happy when it rains.
Random tangent: If I ever understood what the "for days" part of the phrase "Legs for days" meant, that would probably apply here.

Exhibit B:

Product: Bud Light.
Name of redhead: Christina Murphy, it appears.
Most prominent appearance: Frequently airs during Sunday NFL football games.
Attire: Snug No. 22 t-shirt, skinny jeans.
Attitude: Snark for days.
Result: I'm a sucker for a pretty girl with a bit of sarcasm.
Bonus points: Her comfort with a football makes it seem like she'd be up for watching the game. Or at least talking about beer.
Potential downfall: If she follows everything you say with a 30-second diatribe about how you're exaggerating. "You think the wait at the dentist's office is too long? Really? The wait at the post office is too long. The wait at the DMV is too long. The wait for Halley's Comet is too long...."
Random tangent: "Drinkability" might be the dullest ad pitch ever, but the casting agent was at least smart to land an attractive woman to pitch it.

The right and wrong way to sell your luxury vehicle this holiday season

For once, I'm not going to dump on Toyota for an awful commercial campaign. Instead, I will rag on its more luxurious affiliate, Lexus.

Let's look at the way two luxury car companies handle a simple concept: Buying our vehicle will make you feel like you were when you were a kid getting the best holiday present ever.

Successful attempt by Acura:

Why successful? The kids are cute, the joy is palpable and you don't want to smack the adult customer as he drives away in his new toy.

Horrendous attempt by Lexus:

Why horrendous? Only rich and/or spoiled kids got ponies as presents, immediately alienating most TV viewers. And while rich kids shouldn't be inherently punished for being born into wealth, they should be called out for taking joy in the jealousy of their less-fortunate neighbors. So how does karma kick in for this little brat later in life? Her sugar daddy gets her a Lexus for Christmas.

Um, yeah. I'm liking my Hyundai more and more.

In Defense Of ... Katy Perry, Brett Favre, Frank Caliendo and Robin Williams

There are some folks out there that don't need some tool with an erratically updated blog to defend them. But every now and then, when haters gotta hate, bloggers gotta blog in response.

I'm not sure why I feel it's my duty to stick up for the people who are targets for whatever reason, but I am posting these defenses without any intended irony. Plus, I'm sick on a Saturday night and looking for something to do, so now's as good a time as any.

In Defense Of... Katy Perry
The haters say she's one-dimensional, ditsy and overproduced. And yeah, she flopped onto a giant cake overseas. But the easy thing to do would've been to dismiss Perry as a one-hit wonder after "I Kissed A Girl," the catchy yet gimmicky lipstick-lesbian tune. To the credit of Perry and her A&R rep, her follow-up single of "Hot N Cold" is the real deal. She showcases her voice on the latter hit and has an underrated set of pipes (among other things). During a recent appearance on Howard Stern's radio show, she turned what I thought was going to be an awful acoustic rendition of "I Kissed A Girl" into a surprisingly nuanced and controlled performance. Plus, I think she's embraced her tongue-in-cheek style in a way that's refreshing in a world of narcissistic "talents" in the music industry these days.

In Defense Of... Brett Favre
The guy who just couldn't do anything wrong in the eyes of the media while playing for the Packers pretty much ruined that sentiment when he retired and unretired every 14 seconds. It was pure torture for not only Green Bay fans, but also everyone else in the country who just wanted to read about anything else on ESPN.com. And when NASCAR almost becomes a more relevant story, that's a bad sign. But thankfully, once Favre was traded to the Jets, he brought a ton of buzz to a franchise that hasn't felt it since Broadway Joy came through on his Super Bowl guarantee. And despite the off-season drama, it's easy to see why the rejuvenated Jets have responded to him: He loves to play the game and makes everyone around him better. If he can avoid another postseason meltdown, he might just become the Mark Messier of Gang Green.

In Defense Of... Frank Caliendo
We go from Favre to the guy who made a name for himself parodying John Madden's unhealthy undying affection for Favre. Haters say the "MadTV" alum wore out his welcome not only for beating the Madden impression to death but for being involved in "FrankTV," the TBS sketch comedy series whose aggressive ad campaign turned viewers off to the show before they ever thought about turning it on. On top of this, some of his impressions are at best mediocre (Jerry Seinfeld) and as ESPN's Bill "Sports Guy" Simmons pointed out recently, all of them seem to involve people over the age of 45. While I won't defend "FrankTV" -- it's at best inconsistent, at worst a snore -- Caliendo himself is, dare I say, "very funny." His stand-up is artfully well-crafted and requires a precision that many stand-ups either don't or can't pull off. The way he shifts from character to character both in terms of voice and body language within fractions of a second is nothing short of astounding.

In Defense of ... Robin Williams
Now we go to the inspiration of one of Caliendo's impressions: Haters say the often over-the-top Williams steals material from other comedians and plays the same character in all of his comedic movies. And while I can't possibly know if or how much material Williams has stolen from other comics, I believe it's more about his incredible retention of all things funny and less about malicious intent. Besides, his delivery is one of a kind. One of the best stand-up sets I've ever seen was his 2002 HBO special, "Live on Broadway," which had my sides sore and my eyes tearing upon multiple views. And while one could make the argument that many of his cinematic characters in comedies are regurgitations of his schizophrenic act, his dramatic work is outstanding outside of the occasional "Patch Adams." (Then again, what dramatic actor hasn't had a clunker now and then?) He's a legit Oscar-winner, after all. Plus, the guy earns bonus points from me for showing up unannounced on multiple occasions at Manhattan's Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre to perform improv with house troupes. From what I've read, the performers and audience members had nothing but raves to say about not only his comedy but also his team-oriented approach.

No, this wasn't performed by Cornell's Do-Re-Amigos

Even if you hate a cappella, you'll still love this. How can you not?

- Michael Jackson's "Thriller"? Check.
- Sung with a French accent? Check.
- Performed a cappella (without instruments)? Check.
- Arranged in SIXTY-FOUR PARTS that can be viewed simultaneously? Check.
- Mind-blowingly amazing arrangement once Vincent Price's voice-over kicks in at the 4:24 mark? CHECK!

So, uh, check it out:


The only complaint I have is that the lead vocal uses falsetto as a crutch as much as I do, but really, that's nit-picky considering just how fun this video is.

Via Michelle Collins at BestWeekEver.tv.

R.I.P. My Casio SK-1, 1985-2008

This baby lasted me 23 years and was seriously used during every year of that span:

I bought a "real" keyboard today -- a no-frills Yamaha YPT-210 -- but it's not nearly as fun when you don't have the "sample" feature that allows you to play dog barks (or fart noises) in different pitches.

And for you hard-core SK-1 fans, I give you this:

I Can Has CheezStatler

This is my first-ever submission to I Can Has Cheezburger, which has a pretty solid on-site program for assembling your own LOLSTUFFZ and submitting them. Click on the pic to rate it.

Pouring one out for Paul Newman

I had some salad tonight, opened a new bottle of Newman's Own dressing and poured some out for a fine philanthropist and one of the greatest actors in American history.

I didn't pour any on the ground, though. That stuff's way too yummy and oil tends to stain.

Pendulum's 'Propane Nightmares' sounds like a tricked-out Final Fantasy fight sequence on acid and might just be my favorite song of 2008

If the last four minutes of this five-minute, 13-second song doesn't motivate you to burn hundreds of calories on a treadmill or award you triple-digit hit points against a Chimera, I don't know what will:



Seriously. Whoa.

UPDATE: I just realized Pendulum's lead singer has a pure energy reminiscent of Information Society's Kurt Harland. I want to know what you're thinking. Tell me what's on your mind.

Ranking the theme songs from 'The Wire'

Initially intimidated by the complexity of "The Wire," I finally decided to suck it up and watch its fifth and final season earlier this year. Helping sway my decision was the fact that it would delve into the world of newspapers, which intrigued me as a reporter.

After being blown away what I saw, I immediately stocked my Netflix queue with the first four seasons. A couple of months later, one DVD disc at a time, I'm now finished with the first three episodes of Season 4.

Maybe one day I'll rank my favorite Top 10 "Wire" characters, but that's much harder than I anticipated due to the sheer army of players and likability of so many. But at this point, I do feel like I can properly rank the theme songs of each of the five seasons. All are versions of Tom Waits' "Way Down In The Hole."

5th place: Season 4 (kids from a Baltimore Boys Choir):

Not terrible, but one of these themes has to finish fifth and this one's the least engaging of the five. I find myself fast-forwarding through this version most frequently, possibly because the lead vocalist isn't connecting with the lyrics. Likeliness to fast-forward: 8/10.

4th place: Season 2 (Tom Waits):

Huge jump in quality from Season 4. Obviously, the lyrics connect more here with the original artist, and Waits earns the highest marks for the way he wails every time he sings the song title. But I start to fatigue from his gravelly voice and minimalist style at the 1-minute mark of the 90-second intro. I give him props as a lyricist and I won't reject him outright, but he's definitely one of those critically acclaimed musicians I just don't "get." Likeliness to fast-forward: 4/10.

3rd place: Season 3 (The Neville Brothers):

The pace picks up a bit for Aaron and whatever his brother's name is. Also helping to set the tone are the soulful vocals and an overall vibe that makes me feel like I'm in a smoky Bal'mo jazz club. It loses a bit of steam, however, when the vocals cut out and the sax solo kicks in. Likeliness to fast-forward: 3/10.

2nd place: Season 1 (The Blind Boys of Alabama):

I'm sure a lot of people were upset when they heard this theme would be replaced by another version, albeit the original. It has the best qualities of the two subsequent themes: Tom Waits' brooding and The Neville Brothers' pacing. There's a reason "Wire" actor/director Clarke Johnson hearkened back to this theme for the final season's montage; it in many ways defines the show just as much as its characters, writing and acting. Likeliness to fast-forward: 2/10.

1st place: Season 5 (Steve Earle):

Maybe I'm influenced by how the show gripped me the first time I watched it, or because Earle holds his own playing a recovering drug addict on the show. But even as someone who bristles against anything resembling country music, I most love Earle's take, whose plucky guitar, popping percussion, smooth strings and spoken refrains convinced me to buy the track on iTunes and blast in my car to help me get in touch with my inner Bunk. Likeliness to fast-forward: 1/10.

Buying fake chips for Facebook Texas Hold'Em is wrong in so many ways

So I love me some good ol' Texas Hold'Em, to the point that I was genuinely excited to spot Howard "The Professor" Lederer in person from afar during the World Series of Poker when my buddy Mark and I sojourned to Vegas a few years ago.

I've even befriended a couple of people in the flesh through Facebook's Texas Hold'Em application. I don't play as often as I once did, but it's a good way to maintain some level of skill without going broke. After all, while I covet the application's chips for the purposes of pride, I have nothing to lose other than productivity because they have no monetary value.

Tonight, I figured I'd get in a game before bed. That game never took place because I was so compelled to document the idiotic elements relating to the second-to-last option on the application's menu bar:
Yes, you read that right. "Buy Chips!" Meaning you'd pay real money for chips with no monetary value; for a game that yields no actual cash, no matter how often or many chips you win; for an application that GIVES you chips every time you sign on, albeit a small number of them.

Curious about this monstrosity, I clicked the "Buy Chips!" tab. And this order form popped up:
First came the shock that, with your credit card of choice, you could spend $100 a pop for fake chips that, once again, you could compile at no cost with just a bit of patience. Then there was the realization that the first option is described as a "better value." A better value than what, exactly? Paying $20 to get stabbed in the face with a rusty screwdriver? Not by much.

Upon closer inspection, some fuzzy math made me wonder if the person describing these "values" was ridiculously stupid, incredibly savvy or both:
For $50, you can get 300,000 fake chips -- supposedly the "best value." Mathematically, that's patently false, because with the "super value," you'd get more than twice the number of chips while only paying twice the exorbitant dollar figure.

But then kicked in my cynical side. Since only stupid people would pay money for free, worthless chips, maybe the application salespeople count on buyers who will just accept the "best value" as truth, blindly pay the $50 amount on a regular basis and never realize that they're not getting the best rate.

It's so crazy and evil, it's genius.

'The Simpsons' nails the only thing wrong with 'The Departed'

With the exception of the excellent movie version of "The Simpsons," I don't watch the series much these days. But thanks to Hulu, today I caught a particularly good recent episode, "The Debarted."

It does an outstanding job parodying one of my favorite movies, but it also skewers the only problem I have with the Oscar-winning film:


Thanks to Ralph, we're all learnding (sic).

Here's my favorite random scene from the episode, which for whatever reason I believe my friend Nate Johnson would find particularly amusing: