If we could talk to the animals

Forget about trying to tackle global warming, extinction, disease or other environmental issues with whatever dialogue would follow. I'd just want to see a dog, horse and dolphin on "Jeopardy!" to see which is smartest.

Of course, such a dog could be the Ken Jennings of the canine circuit and any given dolphin could have been caught in too many tuna nets, so I wouldn't necessarily wager on Flipper. Whose first name, we'd learn, is Frank.

No, I'm not high right now.

The animals might even perform better than their human celebrity counterparts.

Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek: "Welcome back to 'Celebrity Jeopardy.' Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I'd like to ask our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs."