Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Rap lesson No. 935, followed by a secular morality play

Do: Release the year's most culturally, socially and musically relevant rap.

Don't: Be a wuss of a music station that forces Nas to replace the song's "murder the DJ" lyric with "wreck the DJ." Is it really that much better to wreck a DJ?

Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn;
Show us the lesson that we should learn

Music Executive One: "Oh, no, these rappers are talking about violence again!"
Music Executive Two: "Yes, disgusting, yes."
Fan: "Um, excuse me, but I believe Nas is being ironic."
Music Executive One: "Hey, who let you in here? You wouldn't know what ironic was if you listened to Alanis Morissette's song of that name a million times."
Fan: [after a beat] "Actually, that's true."
Music Executive Two: [pressing intercom button] "Deborah, please activate the trap door."
Fan: "What trap dooooooooo..."
Music Executive One: "That's better. [Dull, echoey thud heard in distance.] Now where were we?"
Music Executive Two: "I was about to suggest censoring the horrible concept of murder."
Music Executive One: "Sounds good to me. Let's just have the rapper promote beating the DJ into submission instead."
Music Executive Two: "Perfect."
[Both dive into piles of money a la Scrooge McDuck. Fin.]