Saturday, October 14, 2006

Stuff and Things, Part IV

Sports Guy has Ramblings. I have Stuff and Things. Again. And again. And again.

- For months, I wondered if Spraychel could hold a candle to Agent Erin's hotness among the cartoon advertising icon set. Since both were fundamentally unattainable (because they're not real), I had decided, why pick?

But when it comes down to it, Agent Erin's way hotter, so I'll pick her.

- When I was younger, when I heard the phrase "post game show," I always hoped it would involve a snarky host, some flashing lights and lots of money. Sadly, it was just a summary of the preceding sporting event. But I'm convinced that Wink Martindale might be able to split the difference every Sunday afternoon.

- Last month, Beyonce released her latest album, "B'Day." Probably not the classiest idea to sing about a hygienic fixture commonly found next to a toilet. Wait, that's not what she's singing about? My bad.

- If I created a birth control pill and wanted to market it to sexually active women, I might not choose to call it Yaz, considering that was the nickname of a gritty, old Red Sox player from yesteryear. Picking a Yankee would have made more sense.

- Within 0.2 seconds of turning seeing a disoriented, disheveled woman on MTV, I was able to identify the program I was watching as "True Life: I'm Addicted To Crystal Meth." Glamorous!

- A couple of months ago, I was in the city killing some time and decided to visit the Sirius Satellite Radio headquarters at 1221 Avenue of the Americas, where a touch-screen monitor directed visitors to the proper floor for radio employees. Since I'm a big Howard Stern fan, I decided to see who was listed in this directory and who wasn't. The results:

Howard Stern: No.
Robin Quivers: No.
Gary Dell'Abate: Yes.
Fred Norris:

I forgot to try Artie Lange. Disgrazia!

- Fall premieres notwithstanding, TV gets a lot less interesting when your favorite baseball team is eliminated from contention.

- From the "We're Just Not Trying That Hard" files, The Federation brings us "I Wear My Stunna Glasses At Night," an uninspired rap remake of Corey Hart's classic pop song "I Wear My Sunglasses At Night." It seems impossible to remake this song in a hip-hop style and lose, but these guys found a way. They dared masquerade with a guy in shades... oh, no.

- Sometimes when I go to the gym (or more accurately, don't go to the gym), I suffer from a condition I've come to label as Reverse Arm-orexia, which results in my comparing my biceps and triceps to superior sets showcased at the gym, on TV, or elsewhere. It's by no means a serious condition, but women should know that men sometimes get goofy about these things too.

- I debated the greatest American-based band of all time over a few brews a couple of months ago. Taking criteria like hits, influence and longevity into account, the best ones we could brainstorm were Aerosmith, Metallica, Eagles, Grateful Dead, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. I vetoed Grateful Dead (because they not only had too narrow a reach, but also are waaaay too annoying), and declared Aerosmith the winner. But I could be wrong, considering Aerosmith's only number one hit was written by the same same woman who wrote Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me" and Milli Vanilli's "Blame It on the Rain."