Tuesday, October 31, 2006


As a culinery service to my readers, I have ranked candy ingredients, qualities and examples commonly distributed on Halloween:

1. Chocolate.
2. Caramel.
3. Nougat.
4. Rice crisps.
5. Fruit-flavored chewy things.
2,379. Black licorice.
2,380. Nuts that are not peanuts.
2,381. Razor blades.
2,382. Any candy that appears to have been wrapped in 1923. (Mary Jane, Bit O Honey, etc.)
2,383. Severed head.
2,384. Coconut.

Because 100 Grand and Take 5 have all or most of the top four candy qualities, they are the greatest possible candies to find in your plastic orange pumpkin or pillowcase. People, the houses of the people who give these out should be showered with love, not toilet paper.

Anything with coconut in it should be fused to pyrotechnics and launched into the sky on a more appropriate holiday nine months later.