Thursday, March 16, 2006

Going tourna-mental

Dear Good People Of CBS Sports,

Thank you for providing an entertaining afternoon of early NCAA Tournament action. Please be advised, however, of the following broadcast gaffes that gave me more tics than a clock factory. The sooner these unfortunate situations are addressed, the better I'll feel about slacking.

1. As a proud resident of the New York City metropolitan area, I understand the value of regional coverage. But if No. 7 seed Seton Hall happens to losing by 15 to 20 points to No. 10 seed Wichita State for nearly the entire game, it might be a good idea to switch to either of the two other games, each with single-digit leads, before the blowout is halfway through the second half. Reasons include:

A. A No. 10 "upsetting" a No. 7 is the equivalent of an American Idol contestant upsetting Simon Cowell in the Round of 12. It's pretty much going to happen half the time and is not a surprise to the viewer.
B. Seton Hall fans are depressed and have turned it off anyway.
C. Wichita State fans are lame.
D. Boston College is the only team that matters.

2. When finally coming to the realization that people don't want to watch the aforementioned crappy game, please do not switch to a stoppage of pay during the Oklahoma/Wisconsin-Milwaukee game. Basketball is more exciting when people are playing on the court, like they were in the Boston College-Pacific game at the time. Watching Oklahoma take a time out is barely important enough for the Oklahoma players to pay attention, much less for viewers whose "Last Channel" function takes them to quality VH1 programming. Besides, who in the tri-state area cares about Oklahoma or Wisconsin -- basketball or otherwise?

3. If a highly overrated No. 2 seed (Tennessee) takes a 2-point lead over No. 15 Winthrop, please be sure to broadcast an alternate ending that gives Winthrop a win with a three. I've never had a problem with the state of Tennessee before (My awesome brother-in-law grew up there), but there's no way they deserved that high a draw in the tournament, so they should be punished for it. No, I'm not bitter or anything about BC being a No. 4 seed or other Selection Committee oversights.

4. Please show more footage of Ashley Judd cheering on Kentucky during games, regardless of whether or not the Wildcats are playing.

5. When in doubt, refer to point 1D.


CBS (Yes, those are my intials.)