Friday, September 01, 2006

Because "awesomely bad" is a cop-out

Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed watching the reruns of VH1 and Blender magazine's "50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever," but let's face a reality here: most of these songs are either awesome or bad. And that's why you have me here to tell you the difference.

I was on the fence for about 20 of these, but I'm treating each of these like a gun-to-my-head answer; if it's closer to awesome than bad, I'll call it awesome, and vice versa. Do I really think "Cotton Eye Joe" is awesome? No, but I do really think "Sunglasses At Night" and "Thong Song" are.

Anyway, here we go:

"50. "Sunglasses At Night" by Corey Hart - Awesome
49. "I'll Be Missing You" by Puff Daddy & The Family - Bad
48. "Can I Touch You...There?" by Michael Bolton - Bad
47. "Something In Common" by Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston - Bad
46. "Two Princes" by Spin Doctors - Awesome
45. "Sorry 2004" by Ruben Studdard - Bad
44. "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel - Awesome
43. "Make Em Say Uhh" by Master P - Bad
42. "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex - Awesome
41. "Some Girls (Dance With Women)" by JC Chasez - Bad
40. "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes - Awesome
39. "Informer" by Snow - Awesome
38. "Mesmerize" by Ja Rule and Ashanti - Awesome
37. "From A Distance" by Bette Midler - Bad
36. "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd - Badd
35. "Heartbeat" by Don Johnson - Bad
34. "Butterfly" by Crazy Town - Awesome
33. "Jenny From The Block" by Jennifer Lopez - Bad
32. "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister - Awesome
31. "You Remind Me Of Something" by R. Kelly - Bad
30. "Pimp Juice" by Nelly - Bad
29. "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meatloaf - Bad
28. "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley - Bad
27. "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx n Effect - Awesome
26. "The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You" by Bryan Adams - Bad
25. "You Rock My World" by Michael Jackson - Awesome
24. "Sussudio" by Phil Collins - Bad*
23. "Thong Song" by Sisqo - Awesome
22. "Dancing On The Ceiling" by Lionel Richie - Bad
21. "I'll Be There For You" by The Rembrandts - Bad
20. "Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue" by Toby Keith - Bad
19. "You're The Inspiration" by Chicago - Bad
18. "Pumps And A Bump" by Hammer - Bad
17. "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred - Awesome
16. "The Final Countdown" by Europe - Awesome
15. "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by Crash Test Dummies - Awesome
14. "Will 2K" by Will Smith - Bad*
13. "Barbie Girl" by Aqua - Bad
12. "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids on the Block - Bad
11. "Rico Suavé" by Gerardo - Awesome*
10. "Heart Of Rock & Roll" by Huey Lewis and The News - Bad
9. "Don't Worry Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin - Awesome
8. "She Bangs" by Ricky Martin - Bad*
7. "Party All The Time" by Eddie Murphy - Bad
6. "Breakfast At Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something - Bad
5. "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice - Awesome
4. "Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit - Awesome
3. "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung - Awesome
2. "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus - Bad
1. "We Built This City" by Starship - Awesome

UPDATE! Decisions with an asterisk were switched after a change of heart. (See comments.)


Casie Anne said...

Is there a reason #36 has an extra letter D, or was this just a "badd" typo?

Chris S. said...

Here's a hint: Check out the artist's name for No. 36. ;)


Juice said...

Yo Serico,

I'm going to agree with most of your evaluation of this list. However, I can't believe that some of these songs were even on the list. I actually really, really, like a lot of these songs. Maybe thatsays something about my taste in music, but if it's between me, and the eleven-year-old girls that normally run the show, I'm going with me.

Anyway, here are some of the ones that I'm going to have to disagree with you on:

28. "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley - Bad - Um, excuse me? Who else could pull off singing in a tenor range, while sounding like a bass, AND wearing a bow tie. Only Rick Astley.

19. "You're The Inspiration" by Chicago - Bad - You've got to be kidding. Chicago rocks. Tinny voices, blaring horns, cheesy lyrics, and all. End of story. Next song.

14. "Will 2K" by Will Smith - Awesome - Will Smith? Will Smith? His NEW music is the aural equivalent of how cohesive the plot of Ali was (which wasn't very for those of you who haven't seen it).

11. "Rico Suavé" by Gerardo - Bad - Dude! It's your name sake! Don't be self-hatin'!

10. "Heart Of Rock & Roll" by Huey Lewis and The News - Bad - Huey Lewis is AMAZING. I don't care if some of his song topics or lyrical choices do suck, the music and voice are incredible.

8. "She Bangs" by Ricky Martin - Awesome - do I even need to comment on this one? ew. EW.

7. "Party All The Time" by Eddie Murphy - Bad - This song is great for its sheer hilariousness. It's fun to dance like an ass to and the fact that Eddie Murphy tried to have a singing career is worth remembering.

6. "Breakfast At Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something - Bad - This song is good for the fact that it sticks in your head and you can't get rid of it. Everyone knows the chorus and even that weird guitar part... plus it's Tyler's audition song and you gotta give some respect.

4. "Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit - Awesome - I hate Fred Durst. That is all.

Bubb Rubb said...


I believe our entire friendship hinges on your endorsement of Phil Collins, Sisqo, Will Smith, Limp Bizkit, and most heinously, Crazy Town.

Withdraw them all, or suffer the consequences.

Although, you're right; "Rump Shaker" totally rules.

Chris S. said...

Some good points here, so I made four changes:

The songs by Phil Collins, Will Smith and Ricky Martin have been downgraded to Bad. That said, each of those artists has better songs.

Gerardo's "Rico Suavé" has been upgraded to Awesome because of its unintentional hilarity.

I stand by the rest of my decisions.

Casie Anne said...

Yeah, I'm pretty much an idiot for not noticing that. That was badd of me.

Anyway, now onto the more important stuff.

How dare you put "You're the Inspiration" by Chicago in there! Have you no heart?

And "Breakfast At Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something!!?!?!?!? I LOVE that song! If you don't, then you are wrong.

I don't recall what the Phil Collins song sounds like, but I don't like that he has been downgraded. Phil Collins rocks my world.

Oh, and I hate the "Cotton Eye Joe" song. It annoys the crap out of me.

Last but not least, I must show my appreciation for your rating of "Awesome" for "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister. That song rules.

I disagree with about five others or so, but I can see valid reasons for your chosen ratings on those.