There she is... Miss Wilmerica...

With ratings plummeting for beauty pageants, only one man can save them.

His name? Fez.

Since "That 70's Show" star(?) Wilmer Valderrama reportedly has dated Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mandy Moore and Eva Longoria, it's time for me to pitch the annual Miss Wilmerica Pageant to Pay-Per-View.

The concept: The country's hottest A-list and B-list starlets compete for the title of next girlfriend of Wilmer Valderrama.

The event would include an edgier take on the swimsuit competition as well as a "talent" competition that would never fly on network television. And Miss Congeniality would be awarded to the person with the nicest... personality. The finalists would be subject to rounds of questions about Maxim magazine shoots, modest album sales and VIP Room shenanigans.

I, of course, would judge the competition with Valderrama and the guy who played "Booger" in "Revenge of the Nerds." Bribes would not only be accepted but also encouraged.

How could this not be a slam-dunk? Get my agent on the phone.