Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Golden Slumbers... I mean, Globes

Because I fell asleep at 7 p.m. last night, I won't say anything negative about the broadcast of last night's Golden Globes, which I usually prefer to the Oscars, because the winners are sometimes drunk and only cool awards are distributed, rather than "Best Gaffer in a Melodrama" and "Best CPA Tandem Making An Arbitrary Appearance In Yet Another Award Show." But this year's Golden Globe winners were ho-hum. Maybe because most of the GG nominees were lame in the first place.

"Brokeback Mountain" won four awards, justified or otherwise, in what might be the worst movie season in decades. I'm not judging the film; it's probably great. I'm merely saying there wasn't much legit competition this year.

"Walk The Line" was a mediocre movie with outstanding actors (Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon, who both won Globes), but it won in the maddening "Musical or Comedy" category. That award is as much of a copout as giving a trophy to "Best Food, Vegetable or Dessert." I'm guessing the people who run the awards process feared that they wouldn't have enough legitimate contenders for each category. But the movies shouldn't have to suffer because of it.

And let's look at those other Musical or Comedy movie nominees: "Mrs. Henderson Presents" (snorefest), "Pride & Prejudice" (a laugh riot), "The Producers" (remake) and "The Squid and the Whale" (huh?). I challenge you to find me one person, critic or otherwise, who didn't like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" better than all of those.

At least Steve Carell won for "The Office." That was probably the one correct pick of the night, albeit in the category of "Best Actor [in a TV] Musical or Comedy." Let's not forget all those weekly TV musicals. What was the last one? "Cop Rock"?

"Lost" won. Great, wonderful, yawn. It's too late for me to catch up with the plots and twists, so have fun without me, guys. And to pick that over "Rome" seems a bit silly.

"Desperate Housewives" won for best comedy, but the show's four lead actresses split votes to allow Mary-Louise Parker to win for "Weeds." At least I can blame not seeing "Weeds" on the fact that I don't subscribe to Showtime. I assure you I've laughed harder at promos for the other four nominees -- "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "Entourage," "Everybody Hates Chris" and "My Name is Earl" -- than I would at any "Desperate" episode.

Hugh Laurie won for "House," which is a runaway hit that absolutely no one I know watches. Doesn't the plot always seem the same? "Tonight on FOX: The doctor has a patient with a disease that no one can figure out. Can he convince the patient's relatives he can cure the patient through unorthodox procedures and nonstop yelling? Find out Tuesday at 9, after a far less predictable show: 'American Idol.'" And I like "American Idol"!

Speaking of "Idol," Ryan Seacrest and his E! team of dress evaluators were unwatchable. I never thought I'd say this, but E! needs to shell out whatever they've saved since Howard Stern's departure to re-sign Joan and Melissa Rivers for the red carpet. The Riverseseses would be smart to take the offer, too, because I don't even know how to find the TV Guide channel. And, yes, I'm straight.

I guess I'm disappointed because there were no good surprises as far as results were concerned. In other words, the shows, movies and actors I wanted to win didn't win.

And most of my favorites, like Bill Murray in "Broken Flowers," weren't even nominated! Bill Murray should win every award, including three Oscars ("Ghostbusters," "Lost In Translation" and "Broken Flowers"), a Grammy (for that SNL "Star Wars" lounge singer song), an honorary college doctorate, a perfect attendance certificate and a pie-eating contest blue ribbon.

Quick follow-up about "Brokeback Mountain": ESPN columnist LZ Granderson wrote a short-but-sweet column about the hypocrisy of those who criticize NBA players for homophobic remarks but render no judgment on Utah Jazz owner Larry H. Miller for pulling "Brokeback" from his chain of movie theaters. Nice job, LZ.


Juice said...

Yo Serico,
You now officially know someone that watches House. I will admit that there is a "formula" for every show, but come on... you can't tell me that the stuff that House says and the way he treats people isn't hysterical. The show isn't about the disease ridden lying patient in every episode as much as it's about the interaction of the "doctors" with one another and with their patients. In real life, House would have lost his license years ago and been put in prison. However, in the land of TV, the House character runs a rampage all over everyone and no one is safe because he's always right, no matter how much of a jerk he's being. He says to patients and doctors what all of us have at one time or another wanted to say, but have been to afraid due to either insurance costs or empathy towards the sick. That's my two cents on that subject...

As for Bill Murray in "Broken Flowers," I have to say that I disagree. Bill Murray is AMAZING. He rules. We all know this or at least should. The problem is that "Broken Flowers" was a pain in the ass to watch and it ended NOWHERE. Billy Murray is always great with what he is asked to do, but the failure of this movie is probably the reason for your shock that he did not win an Oscar. Blame the writers, blame the directors, I don't know, but "Broken Flowers" is not up there on my list of "hey, let's watch it again," movies.

Chris S. said...

Good points. My replies:

As for "House" -- Not that I approve of any of the other best drama actor nominees, but I still don't care about Hugh Laurie or "House." The good news is now I know someone who watches the show. Hooray. Moving on...

True, "Broken Flowers" and its ending aren't phenomenal -- or even re-watchable, you're correct -- but Bill Murray was. I think you can make the same argument about Jaime Foxx in "Ray" or Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon in "Walk The Line" -- they were brilliant actors in mildly above-average movies. But those actors didn't get punished for the overall product.

Juice said...

In my above comment I wrote, "...but have been to afraid due to either insurance costs or empathy towards the sick." I just want to point out that I do know the difference between the words: "to," "too," and "two." My use of "to" instead of "too" was merely a typo. Thank you.

Bubb Rubb said...

i liked broken flowers's ending, even if it was a little gimmicky. homer murray is a little scary, though.

kinda surprising, no love for arrested development in its last year. i know i'll still have curb, but it's not the same. between this, futurama, allowing the corpse of the simpsons to be desecrated for profit, and tim mccarver, fox is so on notice.

"As for House..." I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it.

Chris S. said...

More good points! Huzzah! More responses:

"Futurama" might have a glimmer of hope, thanks to "Family Guy."

"Arrested Development," a.k.a. The Best Show I've Never Seen, doesn't appear to have as much of a chance, however.

"Curb" had a resurgent season this year, other than the GAWD-AWFUL season finale. Not including Rachel in the last episode was a waste of a golden opportunity.

"The Simpsons" will be celebrated for what it achieved through the year 2000. And not just because that's a Conan O'Brien pun.

And Bubb, I don't understand your question about the "House" question. All I meant to say is that it appears to be a repetitive, formulaic show -- and now I finally know of one person of the millions who supposedly watch it each week.

BONUS THOUGHT: Juice, I applaud your grammar consciousness. More people should be so dedicated to the lost art of, like, writing and stuff.

K said...

We are of the same mind re: Bill Murray. He just has no equal. He was even great in Hamlet with Ethan Hawke, and he was barely in it. Walking out of the theater after seeing that movie, I overheard a woman saying that he had been terrible in it, and I swear, I almost willed her a brain embolism.

Also, I watch House occasionally, and I must say, Hugh Laurie makes it. Mr. Juice is totally correct. I also know of a sizeable population of House watchers in Brooklyn, but who even knows about that weirdo borough. They're probably doing it ironically; who can even keep up.