Saturday, September 10, 2005

Please dip my life in Buffalo sauce

Despite the fact that I've been conveniently avoiding "Super Size Me" and "Fast Food Nation," I've made an effort to cut down on my fast food intake in the last year. I'd like to limit it even more, but one thing of late seems to be standing in my way.

It's spicy and tempting and the hotter it is, the better. I started to appreciate it in college. Like most guys, I can't stop thinking about it.

Buffalo sauce. With this (onion) ring, I be wed.

About three years ago, McDonald's came out with a Buffalo chicken sandwich that I ingested practically every sixth meal. Now Burger King has outdone Ray Croc and Co. with their chicken fries -- breaded chicken, shaped like fries, served in a cupholder-friendly carton with a divot to cradle the nectar of the gods.

Of course, I could just order the chicken tenders with the Buffalo sauce on the side. Blasphemy! The crispier coating of the chicken fries and the marketing of the buffalo-sauce-goes-here packaging has convinced the normally savvy me that chicken fries are the coolest thing since (laughing at) Hammer pants.

The good folks at the Mount Kisco Burger King drive-thru sometimes forget to include Buffalo sauce with my chicken fries (although in fairness to them, a sign at the pick-up window instructs drivers to specifically request condiments), so I'll request extra packets. The superfluous sauce comes in handy when the fast food folks forget to drop it in the bag; or if I have some fries and an Angus burger that need a little kick; or if my Snickers bar I purged from the work vending machine is boring me to tears.

So, thank you, Buffalo sauce, for making my lunch, and my life, so enjoyable. If you listen to the whispers and run for president in 2008, consider boneless wings or chicken fries as your running mate.

In the meantime, enjoy your first-ballot induction into my personal Sauce and Dressing Hall of Fame alongside Newman's Own Creamy Caesar, Vodka Sauce, Grandma Rose Serico's Marinara, and Hot Fudge. (But please, don't get too close to all of your peers, thereby founding the Least Appetizing Sauce and Dressing Hall of Fame.)


Beck said...

You crack me up.

I stopped because I LOVE LOVE LOVE the name of your blog, as I have chosen that as my lifelong (because that's how long it's going to take me to finish) major in college(s). (: