Monday, March 22, 2010

Battle of the UnADtainables: Axe Lady v. Heineken Lady

Due to popular demand and a seemingly unending phalanx of commercial hotties on the warpath for our attention (and, let's face it, money), it's time for another Battle of the UnADtainables.

Last week, Kia Lady and Kindle Lady fought to a tie in the comments section. That's fine with me; I keep changing my mind when I try to pick.

This week's edition, I have a feeling, will be a bit more lopsided, but so as not to influence votes, I will abstain for the time being. I give you Axe Lady v. Heineken Lady.

Axe Lady:
Name: Unknown. (Again: Seriously, Internet? Go to your room.)
Pros: Easily turned on; sees cushions as merely one way to harness the potential of a couch; pouty, pouty, pouty; caresses a couch arm with care yet authority; ridiculous pair of ... eyes, whose color I suddenly can't recall.
Cons: Is more aroused by hair than the guy beneath it; is content with being a tease; is associated with Axe body spray; likes nature documentaries, which are a more effective sleep aid than the crash after a cocktail of Red Bull, Vodka and Nyquil.

EXHIBIT A:


Heineken Lady:
Name: Alicia Rountree. (Google Images)
Pros: Sorry, French, but her body language just passed yours as most romantic; treats any floor like a runway; perfects the once-over that only happens to guys in beer commercials, movies and drunken Valentine's Day singles bars; bonus points for taboo conquest material; makes her intentions known without saying a word; angers ADWEEK commenters, despite the fact the ad is memorable for both the woman and the product.
Cons: Might not actually be able to say a word (insert hacky joke about how this is a good thing); might get you fired and lose interest in the same day; probably drinks something fruitier or harder than Heineken, meaning she's moved onto the stockbroker at the other end of the bar and your beer will be the only Heinie you'll be grabbing that night.

EXHIBIT B:


So who's hotter? Post your comments below. Explain your answer. See me after class.

3 comments:

Laryssa said...

Heineken lady. I like her swagger.

Anonymous said...

The heineken woman is much more attractive.

mdurwin said...

Alicia Rountree (Heineken) because:
A) she doesn't HAVE to say anything
B) she's not a fake blonde like the other one
C) the real life chance that she'll slum with you to piss off her rich dad are higher than finding a girl who gets hot watching monkeys screw.
D) AXE is for chumps, Heineken is no Sam Adams, but at least it's for grownups.