Saturday, June 30, 2007

Now it's time to play 'Should I Eat This?' (applause)

Things to consider:

1. This single Peep is still soft and sealed in its original cellophane packaging.

2. I probably received it in late March or early April.

3. I'm hungry.


'1979' + 28

So a few minutes after my alarm goes off this morning, I hear a song that sounds like a cross between Queens of the Stone Age, the Darkness and Smashing Pumpkins.

Then I realize: Wow, not only is that Smashing Pumpkins' new song "Tarantula," but also it's so good that I don't have to pretend to like the band just because so many of my high school friends liked them at the time. (OK, so sometimes I was insecure in high school. Like you weren't?)

I actually never outright disliked Smashing Pumpkins; they have a few really good songs, especially "Zero," "Tonight, Tonight" and "1979." I just didn't think in 1994 that they were as great as everyone said they were. But even I appreciated Billy Corgan's first interaction with Homer Simpson, as the rocker's introduction left Homer "Smiling Politely."

Weirder still, earlier this morning, I randomly was thinking about forgotten Sesame Street character Grungetta, whose name was derived from the word Grunge. Did my subconscious will the Pumpkins onto my radio? Can I also summon hot girls my way if I just think about them?

(Thinking. Really, really thinking.)

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Red BlackBerry Pearl? Pick a color and go with it!

I have an idea for a new product! Let's name it after three completely different colors and annoy the crap out of Chris!

Is it red? Is it blackberry? Or is it pearl?

Oh, it's all three, you say? Not maddening at all!

At least have the decency to come up with a brand name that has no potential for contradiction based on the actual color of the product.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The funniest 5-second video on the Web

I don't care if this is old news by now. I'm posting it anyway:

You're welcome.

Monday, June 18, 2007

I'm having the Best Week Ever; rather, the Best Week Ever is having me

I've been so swamped the last few days, I just realized that on Friday linked to my Remote Access live-blog of Bob Barker's final episode hosting "The Price is Right."

Hooray! I heart BWE.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

I didn't realize I was on the 'Maury' show

This morning on the phone, a kind woman I don't believe I know personally wished me a happy Father's Day, which was a nice -- but somewhat misguided -- gesture.

Unless she was trying to tell me something she knew that I didn't.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

In defense of the Police (not that they need defending)

Michael Shilling offers excellent, informed commentary on why the Police are one of the most underrated bands in history.

Thursday, June 07, 2007


When seen on a microwave, 1:56 could be viewed as either the time of day or the amount of time remaining on savory Hot Pockets.

Once I realized the bulb was off and neither the turntable nor clock was moving, I realized it was indeed the time.

Skipping lunch probably influenced my judgment.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Tetris pieces: Metaphors for the seven kinds of people at your college party

O-Block: The football star. Pros: Although not terribly complex, he's often a welcome sight. If unleashed at the right time, he can take out two lingering lines of stragglers loitering at your door. Cons: Stubborn; impossible to change. Makes a scene when there's not a big enough seat for him. Can be a headache if too many of his teammates show up when the party's unstable.

I-Block: The gorgeous cheerleader. Pros: The most sought-after invitee inspires everyone to clear a path for her arrival. Can bring as many cheerleading friends as she wants without a single complaint from you. Four rows of guys want nothing more than to leave with her, and she might just oblige. Cons: Plays hard-to-get; doesn't appear at your parties nearly enough. God help you if she's drunk and stumbles into an awkward crowd in the middle of everyone; she'll cause such a fuss, she'll distract you from the rest of the party.

T-Block: The life of the party. Pros: Fits in with every crowd, and rarely makes things worse. Selfless wingman, happy to try to clear your path for a date with the cheerleader. Willing to do any small chore for the rest of the party. "Clean up that puke in that hard-to-reach corner under the bed? No problem!" Cons: Wants to be introduced to everyone, so you're often spinning him around until he fits perfectly with the rest of the crowd. Can't eliminate the big problems all at once.

L-Block: The lovebird. Pros: Reliable and faithful. Fits perfectly with his/her companion. Always willing to give a hug to the awkward freshman girl (see below) when her friends aren't around. On rare occasions, is up for a threesome. Cons: Clashes with annoying freshman guys (see below). Not nearly as bold as the cheerleaders or football players; makes you wish something more exciting would happen to you and your party.

J-Block: The recently single sophomore. Pros: Quick to hook up with one another. Bonds with the annoying freshman guy in a way that makes him less of a burden to you. Also totally game for a rare threesome. Cons: Can't truly connect with the lovebirds, despite similar appearances. Encounters with awkward freshman girls end badly.

The awkward freshman girl. Pros: Although the same age as the annoying freshman guy, she seems easier to deal with and more mature somehow. Cons: If not cooperating, can be just as intolerable as the annoying freshman guy. Likes pretentious foreign films without subtitles.

The annoying freshman guy. Pros: Even if you're not the most popular host, he's almost guaranteed to show up, whether or not you're expecting him. Cons: Only really connects with his peers, and even that connection is awkward for everyone. Too many of his friends show up when the party's already crowded. No matter how many times you tries to clear him and his friends out, their pile-up pretty much guarantees that the party's over.

UPDATE: GorillaMask'd!