We try to say goodbye

Macy Gray will be on the new season of "Dancing With The Stars." I wonder if she'll dance to all of her hit.

When advertising works too well

In tonight's Yankee game on YES, the logo for the GEICO Play of the Game wound up obscuring the GEICO Play of the Game:
It's even more amusing/bemusing in video form:

Yearning and burning

Both Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" and Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" start with a deep breath, but only one ends with chlamydia.

Fun with the Twitter hashtag #failedwesterns

Here are some of my submissions for the #failedwesterns Twitter meme that trended last week. I noticed some of these were later Tweeted by some of the people I follow and respect on Twitter, so that was a pretty cool coincidence.

• Hi, Noon!
• 3:10 To Yo Mama
• Dances With Robert Wuhl
• Middle-Aged Guns
• Bronzerado
• Rio Bravo's Real Housewives of Deadwood
• Lonesome Dove, sponsored by Dove Moisturizing Cream
• The Assassination of Jessie Spano by the Coward Caffeine Pills
• The Assassination of Rick James by the Coward Cocaine
• City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold
• Sorry, We Can't Wire Cash To Your Mom*

*Whoops, that was for the hashtag #failedwesternunion

For someone who's never smoked pot (but has nothing against it), I had a lot of fun with this

Here are my submissions for the #stonerlit Twitter meme launched today by blog god Alex Blagg:

• Bong Quixote
• The Smugglers Karamazov
• For Whom The Joint Rolls
• Spliff Family Robinson
• The Blunt of Monte Cristo
• Doug Benson Crusoe
• Indifferent Expectations
• Baked Expectations
• Crime And Totally Unreasonable Punishment Under The Rockefeller Laws

Kim Ployable?

Sometimes I think Kim Possible grew up, fell on hard times, and settled for a job as Erin Esurance.

Instant first-class upgrade

How many frequent flier miles did Hillsborough Cty's medical examiner get for saying Billy Mays died of heart disease?

Unnecessary Sequels: "Seacrest/Nixon"

Other contributions of mine to last week's #unnecessarysequels hashtag phenomenon on Twitter:

• "Imagine That First Movie Was Good"
• "Borat 2: Everyone He Meets Already Knows Who He Is"
• "Purple Wintry Mix With Chance Of Hail"
• "12 Men At Peace With Their Verdict"
• "Malcolm XI"

One celebrity I hope lives another 150 years

Enjoy your stay, Bernie!

Fun with the Twitter hashtag #coolbandsmadeuncool

My contributions to today's #coolbandsmadeuncool craze on Twitter:

• Nick Jr Mafia
• Public Enema
• David Baba Bowie
• The Police Academy
• Alice In Lanyards
• A.C. Slater
• Boys to Adolescents
• Ramone
• The Ring Dings
• stellaampersandd&
• CNBC Music Factory
• C&C Cola Factory
• Cinderella, No, Really, We're Reaching Out To The Toddler Demographic
• Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran
• The Killers After They Were Overplayed

Fun with the Twitter hashtag #nicerfilmtitles

My contributions to last week's #nicerfilmtitles craze on Twitter:

• Sexyback Mountain
• Two Fists Full Of Hundreds
• 10 Weeks
• Mr. Smith Goes To Washington State
• Glengarry, Meet Ross From "Friends"
  
• Elmo Is Not On Fire
• Natural Born Phyllis Dillers
• Greatfellas
• Land of the GPS
• Brunch Club
• He's Just That Into You
• American Crème Brûlée
• Regular Size Me
• 12 Happy Men
• Reservoir Fluffy Bunnies
• Smart & Smarter
• No Need To Save Private Ryan Because There Is No War
• Finding Nemo's Mom Is Not Actually Dead

The reigning champ though is by my buddy Courtney Elnow, who busted out The Good, The Also Good, and the Great Personality.

My brain just never got past the shiny power tools and bathroom jokes

I'm an idiot. At age 30, I just realized the title of the ABC show "Home Improvement" has a meaning that does not involve construction or renovation. This epiphany struck me as powerfully as if I'd learned that "Seinfeld" was a pun because he Felt Signs of the mundane.

To compensate, I decided to create unintended double meanings for TV show titles. You're welcome.

Bronze: "Jeopardy!" - The danger of losing viewers when contestants are interviewed by Trebek.
Silver: "Desperate Housewives" - The only viewers who remain.
Gold: "Dateline NBC" - Chris Hansen's dating service, with a twist.

Having too much fun on Twitter writing content with the hash-tag #FakeLarryKing

"I love the expression 'The cat's meow,' because that's exactly what they do. ... Before I go to bed, I sit in my underwear and suspenders, shouting out first names and cities, just to stay sharp. ... I fired the set designer when I found out the map behind me wasn't made with Lite-Brite."

Thanks to my friend Cliff who brought #FakeLarryKing to my attention.

Suburban Street Cred

- Getting shot 9 times by immunization needles
- A gleaming new grill that cooks things
- A hot collabo between French dip and au jus
- Busting a cap and frantically calling a dentist
- Dropping an album then rubbing the dust off it

25,158 Facebook employees have nothing better to do with their time

It's a fact: 16 percent of CNN voters, who may or may not work for Facebook, think you don't own anything you think you own.
Eek.