Friday, October 30, 2009

"Yes, And..."? More like "No, But...."

Perhaps my greatest failure as an improv comedian was my inability to make out with other failed improv comedians.

Monday, October 26, 2009

A soft-serve by any other name

Just call me Mr. Softee. More accurately, call the ice cream truck guy that. Most accurately, don't call anyone that, as it is a fake name.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Putting the LOL in Gillooly

I just told a dancer to break legs, plural, at her next performance. It's at least twice the luck, maybe more, depending on how much pain she inflicts upon others.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Look out!

"Don't take this the wrong way" is much easier to accept when it involves traffic patterns, but both versions can crush you.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Staying in is the new going out, says my quiet cell phone

Even my sink is disappointed that I'm staying home tonight:
The handle is the single, perfect tear.

Hot dogs, cuisine of the world's most eligible bachelors. (Not necessarily by choice.)

Thursday, October 08, 2009


Erasing memories is hard, but erasing phone numbers is a start.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Be still my beating heart (but get the defibrillator ready just in case)

Everybody's got a hungry heart, but mine's clogged because it wants bacon.